i feel so heavy.
but ironically, i feel light at the same time.
light-headed, i suppose.
so forgive me for my disorganized thoughts.
*************
"i guess you've heard, i guess you know,
IN TIME, i MIGHT HAVE TOLD YOU,but i guess im too slow..
and it's
OVERLY ROMANTIC,
BUT I KNOW THAT IT'S REAL
i hope you don't mind if i say what i feel.
It's like I'm in somebody else's dream,
This could not be happening to me.
But you were there, and you were everything I'd never seen.
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep.
I was alone.
I opened my eyes and you were there.
Don't be alarmed, no don't be concerned.
I DONT WANT TO CHANGE THINGS,
LEAVE THEM JUST AS THEY WERE.
I mean
NOTHING's really different
IT'S ME who feel strange.
I'm always lost for words when someone mentions your name.
I know that
I'LL GET OVER THIS, for sure
I'M NOT THE TYPE WHO DREAMS THERE COULD BE MOREBut you were there, and you were everything I'd never seen.
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep.
I was alone.
I opened my eyes and you were there.
Can I take your smile home with me,
or the magic in your hair?
The rain has stopped, the storm has passed
Look at all the colors now the sun's here at last.
i suppose that you'll be leaving, but i want you to know
PART OF YOU STAYS WITH ME EVEN AFTER YOU GO
Like an actor playing someone else's scene
This could not be happening to me.
But you were there, and you were everything I'd never seen.
You woke me up from this long and empty sleep.
I was alone.
I opened my eyes and no, I'm not alone, I'm not alone.
I opened my eyes and you were there.
*************
hayy, you.
now you know.
but what next?
i don't know.
do you?
*************
i am still in pain. im hurting. please Lord, make the pain go away. i might not be able to take it
anymore. i thought i could, because i should, but now that im here, right here, right now.. i feel like im falling apart. sometimes i just want to let gravity pull me down, to follow the current, to surrender. sometimes i want to fight it until im too far away from that pulling source, until i reach that point of freedom, where i can do anything i want, and be happy.
i want to fly, to soar.
"and i'll fly with you through the night
so you know i'm not letting go, i'm not letting go.."
but i AM letting you go.
the moment you knew, i decided to let go.
no, i decided to let you go WAY before that moment, but it was so hard because a part of me still
wanted to hold on. my emotions took over me, so letting you go seemed so impossible. so i dont
know, have i really let him go?
the pain is tearing me apart. it is excruciating, but i chose to bear it, and now there's no turning back.
empty. drained. total nothingness.
i lost everything, even my pride. my ego. nothing was left for me.
that is the problem with loving too much, when you give your everything to that person, and you suddenly realize that you forgot to leave some for yourself. in my case, kahit pride ko nalang sana yung matira, pero hindi e, binigay ko parin sa kanya.
ayan tuloy, hindi ko alam kung pano pupulutin sarili ko.
i can't do it alone, i need someone to help me.. but who?
HIM?
no, i'd rather not ask him.
suddenly, i want to run. i feel like it.
i want to run as fast as i can, and farther than what my eyes can travel. i want to run, but i don't want to get bruised.. i've had enough bruises and cuts. i don't want to end up debilitated.
i want to be in some place that's far away, somewhere out of sight,
but not out of reach.
and i want to throw up.
i want to draw out this certain thing inside me that hinders me from being okay. but i dont want to go through the pain-- the dizziness, stomachaches, and the crying-- that precedes and follows it.
because im sick and tired of hurting. im sick of it! SO SICK OF IT!
but how can i get out of this, when it was me who decided to feel all of this in the first place?
who's to blame but me?
"is it enough to love, is it enough to breathe?
somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed.
is it enough to die, somebody save my life!"
The pain just won't stop right now, but it will, i know. it may be a slow process, but i dont care, as long as i get there.
"He is in deed a dream. A dream i never wish to end. I am
holding on to that dream that is why i wouldnt want
to let go yet, but holding on for as long as i can
DOESN'T MEAN I'LL BE HOLDING ON FOREVER."
************
i have a MATH MAJOR friend who came up with an equation:
love=proximity*frequency.
reminds me of someone who once told me, "we'd still be the same,
although we'd be lessening the intimacy and the frequency."
so does it mean we're lessening love?
so it WAS love between us?
oh hell yeah, that's love.
FRIENDLY LOVE.
ano ba aisha, ano bang hindi mo maintindihan?!
kasi naman si Neal eh, hindi specific ang LOVE sa equation mo! bagsak ka na sa MATH!!!
(hey, mamimiss ka namin nila DANIE at JAM pag umalis ka na papuntang AUSTRALIA, which is like, today na?! tol di ka namin makakalimutan.)
************
on second thought, he hasn't took everything away from me yet. not yet.
i still have two things left.
i still have HOPE and LOVE.
"someday,
someone will walk into your life and make you realize
why love never worked out with anyone else."
now, that's a good one to start with.
snoozed at3/24/2006 10:04:00 AM .