marami akong kilala na currently dumadaan sa ganitong situation. so near yet so far. usong uso talaga ang mga martyr ngayon. may case-to-case basis pa nga itong 'reality' na ito eh. merong so near, as in physically ang lapit lapit nyo na, pati emotionally dahil pareho kayo ng nararamdaman para sa isa't isa, pero still so far dahil sa napaka-cliche na HINDI KASI PWEDE. or hindi PA pwede. pero at least there's always sparkling hope between the two hearts that are patiently waiting. yung isa pang case, so near, dahil parati mo siyang nakikita, or may moments na talagang magkausap kayo, and you feel so much love for him, pero he's so FAR kasi you definitely know that he doesn't have anything more to offer you but the friendship. nothing more than that.. as much as you try to reach him, lumalayo siya (literal ng FAR diba), or he may UNintentionally make you feel unwanted.. yep that's the word, UNWANTED.. itong case na to, wala nang hope.. walang point na maghintay, kasi wala namang hinihintay. pero as much as gustuhin mong tumigil maghintay at tumigil na mahalin siya, meron at meron siyang gagawin na makakapagpalambot sayo, kahit todo effort ka na sa pag-iwas, sa pagpipigil na i-appreciate ang mga so-beautiful-yet-so-simple-things na again, UNintentionally niyang ginagawa. as much as you try to look away, to find someone new, to try to look for just someone new, you end up looking for HIM in other people's personalities. nagugustuhan mo yung ibang tao, tas nare-realize mo na kaya mo pala sila gusto kasi "pareho sila ng smile", "ganun din siya tumingin", "pareho sila ng ugali". parati nalang may resemblance niya. in the end, hinahanap mo nanaman siya. eh paano ka nga naman makaka move-on diba kung everything you see and do reminds you of him? haha, obvious namang i'm experiencing this 2nd case of 'so near yet so far'.. ang nakakainis dito, nasasaktan ka kapag nababalitaan mong may kasama siyang iba, eh alam mo namang wala kang karapatan.. tas nagagalit ka sa kasama niya kahit alam mong kaibigan mo at alam mong hindi naman dapat magalit. sobrang nasasaktan ka, pero sa sarili mo lang. hindi pwedeng ilabas, kasi hindi lang talaga pwede.. cliche nanaman..
so i practically have no choice but continue on loving him by myself kasi dun at dun din ang punta ko eh.. parang cycle lang siya.. love unrequitedly.. get hurt.. try to get over him and turn away.. look for someone or something to get preoccupied with.. everyone and everything reminds you of him.. cry.. love him again. is there no better cycle?
self-pity is eating me. can't stop.
snoozed at3/13/2005 12:00:00 PM .